Mother's Notes: Joining Sports
The largest angst of being a parent seems to be the tortuous decisions you have to make. A parent will question every decision made on behalf of their child. You never know if it’s the right decision until later, sometimes, you won’t know until they’re adults. The tremendous responsibility of deciding what is best for another human being, particularly one that, by choice, a person decides to nurture. One decision made by parents, particularly here in the United States, is what sports, if any, a child should play. Since a young age, I have registered my sons for hockey, karate, swimming, soccer, wrestling, ice skating, and now baseball. I figured that as long as they end up well-rounded individuals, activities that feed the body, mind and spirit, then I am doing ok. However, to my surprise, it appears that my husband and I should have chosen a sport for them at 3, 4 or 5, if I wanted them to have a high school, collegiate or professional career in baseball or any other team sport. But why would that be up to me or any other parent?
We should encourage our children to try different activities including sports within reason. As a parent, I only took the sport as serious as they did, well, maybe I would try to be their motivator due to the fact that some of these programs are not cheap. I tried to use the local park district for most sports due to costs and to see if they liked them. When the park district does not offer a particular sport, I am out finding private organizations. Fortunately, I can afford the $425 that is required upfront for my sons to play a sport, some parents cannot. I know some organizations work with parents, why not have public organizations? I am getting away from the main point, but the point is that to spend this type of money before they reach Jr. High School seems a little insane to me. A CNBC article from 2014 quotes that Youth Sports is a $7,000,000,000 (billion) industry. And according to New York Times article from 2015, the costs in money and emotion, keep rising, and I can attest to this fact. (https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/17/your-money/rising-costs-of-youth-sports.html)
Baseball is the sport that they have decided to try for the first time at ages 9 and 10. They have never played before, except with me, and usually that was just catch. Personally, I love the game. They know this. When the Cubs won the World Series this past October, I guess they saw how happy I was with the win. To my surprise, I asked them what they want to do this summer, they both said baseball. I was ecstatic! My boys want to try baseball! I spent the month of January looking into baseball organizations and clubs in the area (you seem to have to think about a season ahead in our area). I was hoping the park districts had some kind of baseball program since they had never played the game. I knew that they were not as familiar with the game rules as much. (And to be completely honest, the 10-year-old was not meant for a sport that requires assertiveness and speed. The 9-year-old, however, is quite the opposite, he still participates in wrestling.) Unfortunately, the local Park District did not have baseball programs for their age group. So like wrestling, I had to find a private organization, which is not cheap. I found one that was closer to home, the cost was $425 for both of them and another $250 for gear and equipment. Since I stopped working, we barely could afford, but we figured it out. I could never find myself to tell them “No”, when it comes to these matters.
I bring up their skill level, because, well to me, it shouldn’t have made a difference whether I signed them up for baseball with a private or public organization, my sons are only 9-years-old and 10-years-old, I didn’t think I would be the only parent that had children their age playing for the first time. When I was telling family and friends about the boys trying baseball for the first time, to my shock, I was asked to verify their age. I would get responses such as, “Well, it’s not like their 12 or 13?” or “They never tried before?” Wait, what? My first childhood experience with organized sports, at age 10, playing softball. Most children seemed to be around that age when I was younger to start taking a sport seriously. (I know I am sounding cliche.) Some were younger and some were older, but I don’t think anyone would have had the mindset, that 11-years-old is too old to try a new sport. What the hell? I was utterly confused by this reaction. And then the baseball practices started.
The practices began with batting practice at the batting cages. Most kids seemed to hit like my sons, just with better batting stances. A few of the children, were even better, but that seemed like the norm and was expected. The third time of batting practice, the head coach (manager) came to us, and asked if they played before. I stated, “No.” He suggested that we buy face masks for their helmets because their reactionary time seems too slow, though I think he based this off the 10-year-old (my daydreamer) only, as the 9-year-old is very quick. We thanked him, and took his advice, I don’t think he has treated my husband and me the same since.
As the games and practices have continued, the largest shock to me is the other kids on the team. At first, at actual practices, some of the other players on the team seemed happy to help their less experienced teammates learn the skills necessary to the game. As an overprotective mother, I was relieved to see this happening, plus the benefit of social interaction to meet with other kids. As the games and practices have gone on, the more their teammates seemed to treat them like pariahs instead of friends. Some of their teammates wouldn’t even throw the ball to them for warm-ups. Luckily, they are on the same team and have each other, so a lot of times they are warming up with each other. This past weekend, one of the coaches’ sons kept firing the ball to the 10-year-old, and of course my son would be unable to catch it. The child’s father is one of the coaches, so he put a stop to it, quickly, which I was thankful. Also, to credit the head coach, the 9-year-old received praise for hustling on Friday night’s game. So what is my problem?
As of this past weekend, I am worried about them being bullied by their OWN teammates. With all the anti-bullying policies schools are adopting, maybe I should have looked and see if this youth baseball organization had them. I understand that maybe it’s frustrating to the more experienced players, but they’re all children. How serious is everyone taking this? We’ve won every game except one, the one we played this weekend. Oh, we lost big time! For me, it was justified karma, even the “superstars” played like they never played before. I am hoping that humbled them. The lead hitter even struck out twice. And to be honest, I was relieved about it. Many of you may think I am being mean to the other children, but I am telling you that this youth baseball team is not very cohesive and supportive of each other. I am not sure if it’s the children or the adults.
In my opinion, the team doesn’t act like a team. For the first game, my sons were just so proud to put on the uniform, like they were just happy being on a team. The 10-year-old takes special pride in his uniform even now. At the first game, a few of the experienced children, were doing the “chat” and “cheering one another”. That does not seem to be the case anymore. As I stated, our team has won every game but one, but I found myself being jealous of the parents who were on the losing teams. Only because the children continued to smile and be happy after they lost. They had cheered one another no matter what happened. They were chatting and supporting the pitcher. Of all the teams my sons could have been on, it had to be the one whose kids thought they were playing for the MLB. I just wanted them to enjoy the game, the camaraderie of being on an actual team. Instead, I feel like even the mediocre players are ostracizing my sons.
What can I do? Well, I have talked to them about signs of bullying. The 9-year-old said a teammate was spitting seeds at him. I still need to talk to the coaches about this. I tell my sons to stand up to their teammates. But meanness seems like a cancer that spreads from one person to another. In fact, the other day, the younger son criticized his brother for not getting better. I yelled at him that BOTH of them are improving, which is true! (Like I said, the older son is NASA destined, maybe not MLB. Go ahead, ask me which one I prefer.) The idea that my younger one would help his teammates’ gang up on his brother, infuriated me. More than anything, I teach them that they must stay together. ALWAYS. (Not in that twisted way, but to help others turn on the other will not be tolerated.) I told them that if they feel unwanted or bullied that I will talk to the coaches. If that doesn’t work then I plan to forgo the costs and call it quits, something I do not like to encourage.
I have asked myself, if I am overthinking all this? Well, of course I am overthinking this! As a child I was bullied by others, but never in softball, not by my own teammates. Of course, when I was 10, my father paid $10, and I got a T-shirt with a number on it and wore a pair of sweatpants. I was proud of the used mitt and bat, because at least I had one. If someone was short we weren’t beyond sharing. At 10, I never felt happier than when I was on a team, even if we lost all the time. (As a Cubs fan since early childhood, I guess that was part of my attitude.) Now, with the shoes, the bat, the gloves, the pants, the new and used bat, and the fees, the $10 wouldn’t even be a down payment. Sharing does not seem to be an option these days. All I know that when my sons asked to play baseball that I was happy. They would know what it felt like to be on a team and was hoping that their experience would be as positive as the one I had as a kid. I know it’s early in the season, we have about five more weeks, and things can change. But the fact is that their experience with this team has not been positive so far. The 9-year-old is already asking to play soccer again next summer, but admittedly, he might be frustrated with himself because it has not come as easy to him as soccer or wrestling. (As a special note the younger one has been in wrestling for the past two years, but wrestling is more of a sport about the individual, though you are still part as team, just not in the same way. Plus the private youth wrestling club he belongs to has a more positive attitude of it doesn’t matter what age a kid wants to learn to wrestle, it’s never too late.) I guess as a parent concerned with this issue, I should have made sure that the baseball organization felt the same as the wrestling one.
A less personal approach in how the adults are ruining youth sports and children’s attitude, I always think about the all the adults stripping away the World Series title from the southside of Chicago Little League team, Jackie Robinson. First, I thought it jerk move by the Little League organization to even try to strip the title from them. Second, the “whistleblower” who complained about the team breaking boundary rules. And finally, the adults (the team management) who were so, as my 20-something nieces would say, “thirsty” for a winning team. The children on this team deserved to keep the adulation for their hard work. The children paid the price. It is important for all the adults involved to remember this is about them, not us. We are grown. We had our chances. I keep telling myself to have the attitude that I am just watching the kids play, and at times I find myself cheering for ALL the kids, even the opposing team. Even for the coaches, who volunteer, should be there only to “assist” the kids. But unfortunately, I am not sure everyone sees this the same way. Children are very perspective of how adults react, even if the adult isn’t aware, they pick up on negative and positive energy. It is important for all of us to understand to put the right energy out there.
I know that I am overprotective and wear my heart on my sleeve, especially for my sons. I would be happy no matter what they wanted to do: play sports or join the Math Club. I am a nerd at heart, and to be honest so are they. (Only the 9-year-old seems to have innate athletic capabilities in our family.) The only right thing to do is be supportive to my sons, be their advocate when needed, but I just hope that a bad team experience does not turn them from a wonderful sport or anything else they might want to try, like Chess Club. I do worry about the bullying by the teammates, but I am here for them. If any problems occur, we will do what it takes, talk to the coaches, the president of the league, and pull them if it doesn’t get resolved. Much like I would do if it were school-bullying. It could be that my sons are just as sensitive as me. I should just stop and be prepared to listen and take action if necessary. I and other the other adults need to let the kids play. More than anything, I just want them all to enjoy the game*. And it is a wonderful game.
*The monetary costs can be discussed another time.
